Do People Who Get Divorced Find It Harder to Marry Again

Five Reasons Why Second Marriages Might Neglect at a High Rate

For some time the divorce rate in the USA for first marriages has held at virtually 50%.  This is a national tragedy. This statistic as well means that many people have subsequent marriages.

Common sense suggests that someone who remarries is older, wiser, more mature, has learned from their mistakes, and knows better what they want and demand in a partner.  Therefore, the divorce rate for second marriages would be expected to be substantially lower than the rate for outset marriages. Despite our common sense expectations, according to demographic data, the divorce charge per unit for subsequent marriages is, in fact, significantly higher than that of first marriages—65%, nearly 2 out of three!  Why?

1. Money, Sex, and In-Laws

The above "big 3" issues are the chief bug that plague most first marriages.  These aforementioned bug too impact subsequent marriages—merely fifty-fifty more than and then. The money trouble becomes even more than troublesome in second marriages due to kid support and spousal maintenance payments. Second marriages feel the strain when money is tight and hubby has to send checks to the start wife.

The sexual practice issue besides gets "interesting" in subsequent marriages, if, for no other reason, one or both of the partners were previously in a committed relationship. Uncomfortable questions and comparisons are likely to arise.

The in-law state of affairs becomes especially taxing in subsequent marriages, especially when both partners bring a child into the new relationship. At that place would exist hubby'due south parents, wife's parents, husband'southward ex's parents, and married woman's ex'due south parents. Whose house exercise you lot get to for Thanksgiving? Statistically, two of these in-police force couples could be divorced and so that could add another pair of in-laws this new couple may have to appease. If one of the partners is marrying for the third time and had a child with the previous ii spouses, the mathematical permutation of potential in-laws is across this liberal arts graduate.

ii. Children

Children keep tenuous marriages together. While natural children are binding agents in starting time marriages, step-children are ofttimes divisive factors in subsequent unions. Many parents struggle with managing their natural offspring; near all stepparents are frustrated with dealing with their step-kids. A major trouble in blended families is partners not supporting each other with regard to the management of their respective natural children.

3. Ex's

Some ex-spouses are pleased to run across their ex enter a new relationship—especially if it could upshot in fewer legal motions being filed or reduced child support and alimony payments. Some ex's, though, specially if they were the "dumpee," are resentful when their ex finds a new human relationship and may attempt to demolition information technology. Some aroused ex's continue to bring their ex-spouse dorsum to court for various reasons long after the divorce is final. This adds emotional and fiscal tension to the new partnership. Another sad, just unfortunately common ploy, is to negatively vestibule the child confronting the new partner.  This tends to make problem # 2 worse.

4. The Speed at which We Re-Couple

When you have been rejected by someone you once loved or determine to end a committed relationship, attending from some other possible suitor is quite intoxicating. The information shows that many separated individuals are in a new exclusive relationship earlier the ink on the divorce decree is dry. Nosotros similar to be coupled. A sizable number of persons will purposely enter a new relationship equally a ways of extricating themselves from an unfulfilling marriage. Rushing from one relationship into another is foolish and does non provide the time to fully explore the new 1 before condign emotionally committed to it. One time the infatuation wanes, the new relationship could be in trouble.

5. Unconscious Dynamics

Psychoanalytic theory holds that whom nosotros ally is pre-determined. We are unconsciously attracted to individuals with sure characteristics. This attraction does not guarantee a healthy paring; this subconscious want, in fact, may lead to angst in the relationship. Unfortunately, most of the states are unaware of our unconscious forces.

If the matrimony ends, nosotros tend to put all the blame on our ex and rarely consider our role in that failed relationship. Thus, we later unconsciously seek another partner with substantially the same dynamics of our ex—and the next relationship is in jeopardy.

I recommend that if y'all take left a committed relationship, for whatsoever reason, you should immediately get into counseling for a minimum of nine months before y'all consider inbound another exclusive relationship.

Larry F. Waldman, PhD, ABPP

Larry F. Waldman, Ph.D., ABPP is a licensed psychologist who has practiced in the Paradise Valley area of Phoenix for over 38 years.  He works with children, adolescents, parents, adults, and couples.  He also provides forensic consultations in the areas of family law, personal injury, and estate planning.  He speaks professionally to laypersons, educators, corporations, and fellow mental health professionals.  He teaches graduate courses for the Educational Psychology Department for Northern Arizona Academy.  He is the author of "Who'due south Raising Whom?  A Parent's Guide to Effective Child Discipline," "Coping with Your Boyish," "How Come up I Love Him Just Tin can't Live With Him?  Making Your Marriage Work Better," "The Graduate Course You Never Had:  How to Develop, Manage, Marketplace a Flourishing Private Practice—With and Without Managed Care," and  "Also Busy Earning a Living to Make Your Fortune?  Discover the Psychology of Achieving Your Life Goals."

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Source: https://www.findapsychologist.org/five-reasons-why-second-marriages-might-fail-at-a-high-rate-by-dr-larry-waldman/

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